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In Hoc Signo Vinces...., I write this to bring hitrs and ramble abouit my mind on its' content.......I woke angry..wehich I will quash with this blog entry....enjoy.
I would take the D-train to nowhere....
I'd sit in the same place, rigidly and not moving except with the train.
do you have a home to go to , who cares?
...and , what is a bloody home?..
Damned sadist conductor..not as if he has anything to do but jerk-off oin automated trains like these..constantly rea-rprojected surface amalgam of adverts from everywhere about everything, the idea being that they all compete and if you walk close enough to look it shotguns the sound to your ears (a shotgun speaker, like the microphone, condensor..figure it; not a giant leap of intellilect there..; baring in mind that "they" are mostly idiots with no mind of their own)
To exist to be conrtary is to be a conformist, and to conform to non-conformity is just being an ever-altering mirror-image of the mocked foe, partisan woe,(and a Joey Lawrence, "Whoa: (what a shit catchphrase..wow, standard took a dive toward the muck quite a while ago, ..it is simply that almost nobody noticed. Essentially bering person in a living situation that ZERO consideration for me (guess what fuckers..you get not a dime from me WHEN I am rich, not if..WHEN..as, the anger to infect me with will force me to become stinking rich jUST to rub what you'll never have in your face; I'd easily have been able to send my own mother to jail for assault more times than I can count, and were I not on disability, unable to work conventional jobs (one of the reasons I am checking daily for sales reports fellas!!!)
The preponderance of my family are examples of what NOT to do....simply put. It makes me laugh how many people, worldwide (real friends who actually bothewr to see how I am if they ahven't heard from me, etc....unlike "real" family..Oh, and one of your poet peaves, lovely I get to use it and fully mean it : FUCK YOU!
It is a simple fact that emotional abuse ACTUALLY (this one surprised me, but is true \..and makes more sense the more you think about it) that emotional abuse is FAR more damaging, long-term, than physical abuse, and, statistically, sexual abuse as well..[the numbers must support it, as it a well-known thing by now]..so I ask myself, every time ...why didn't you abort me, why didn't I die of whatever, why did YOU die of whatever, mum...you have been a bitch from hell to me for no reason for 15 years you simple piece of shit. Were you not the holder of the deed to this house, thereby having the power to kick me out of not, far more would be done...and Shelly..stay in your place..you are my sister, not my fucking mother..you haven't the right, ever, to tell me what to do or not do, or to chastise ANYTHING I DO...I shit in my hand in public and throw it at someone...NIONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. We don't hear from you....you visit 2 times in a year; keep your opinions to yourself...you leave, EVERY TIME, a wake of bullshit that I am the only one capable sopping up, as John is functionally retarded half the time, and mom is simply mean....so THANKS!..Thank you for flying and and out of town, fucking everything up, causing fight, etc, and being gone out of sight out of mind. You are my HALF-sister (how have you, save for an hour here or there so seldom I can recall all I think). The same bitch that smacked you as a child is the one who is actively screwing up my life every chance she gets. I am experiencing a happiness, a missing part of my life exists now in my life; she attempts to actively destroy. I'd have, a few years past, and maybe less..but for quite a while..just watching it occur, what come around goes around to smack disrespectful, idiotic, moronic, insulting shit to..well, OBVIOUSLY I am still 1 years old fucking infant that needs to be screamed at (I go from being the beloved baby to being your good-goddamned whipping boy, so roundly go fuck yourselves forever and ever amen, assholes. I'd be happy if, tomorrow on the news, it were announced "assault is legal..go beat up who ever you want as bad as you can...I;'d leave you filth "family" (you are not my family if you choose to treat people (no wonder being raised by that bitch)..The bit-pickiest bitch in history save for Nana. You see...I don't fucking care. Just because you missed out because he fire blanks or you are fucked internally is NOT my fault...NEVER ...and IU mean NEVER again ever treat me as if I were your damned child: you have no place to say too many of the things you have,.....it is not your responsibility or place/right to say a thing to me about my "behavior". If you continue, I'll do the same to you: as there are plenty of things I can chastise...BUT I GUESS I AM NOT AS LOW AS YOU. HUH?.,..Don't presume visiting at the most I think you ever had, 4 times in a year (you know damned well you are spinning bullshit to a degreed when you speak of work obligations...you hesitate, and well...there are things who people that have studied the facial musculature of humans...I know when people lie, when they fake-smile, when..name it......I have essentially spent my time studying this that and the other since 2003, ..as I had nothing left to do.; so I thought,.....and yeah I will hold a grudge, if not apologized genuinely and with understanding, will hold said grudge forever (what have I to "gain" in any way from knowing you. Your husband needs to simply knock some sense into you, crazy, hormonally fucked woman. Grand you helped save, and are continuing to help save some lives...all due \respect..but you didn't shut up..kept on a goin'...thus you are a badge-wearer......."look at me, I am a good guy"..look at MY personal sacrifice". Honestly how on earth could I be all that lamenting of someone who bothers to make a 6 hour drive 3 times a year (unless someone dies)....I doubt you will read this, as you so "so busy" (another 'ism' likely)....all I need to do is remember who raised you; and I know who you are enough for 3 or 2 or 0 visits in a year..so really.....deliver it me, you'll get it 10 times the severity of what you deliver right back. It is hilarious, as you won't read this, but..many of my bands' fans will...so enjoy your reputation when I am famous. Just because you have dissatisfaction with the life you created does not give you permission to fuck with me. I am ALWAYS as civil as I am treated, but you likely wouldn't notice something like that, as MY mother raised you; instilling that absurd worldview in you really deep, no doubt. Don't...simply don't,. I hope I need not describe what I'd do (how I'd react [violence is the tool you and "Harry" have [I'm not a dick....you are...I have 60-70 hours of recording proving that I have never started even 1 argument (they are all digitally time-stamped..no ability to forge dates, etc. I have you pegged along with the woman that shat me out and WI:L treat me like shit so soon again that it is not even worth hoping it won't happen. Lov ely that this tirade will bring people to my bands' site, maybe sell a few albums, etc....so thanks.....I reserve the right to bitch about anything I feel like...otherwise,;, well, if I didn't write, who knows what'd happen...If I knew, I'd say so...but writing is what, and all I need, along with Mon plus cher amour doux..so I am bulletproof...you can't touch me. I'll be as verbally pugilistic as I feel like being...as I have you on digital recording being just that...so think twice before you make yourself a hypocrite.
Feeling cleaned, like a new pair of content lens...I don't, any longer have the bends, just a whole lot of loose end that i will not tie, I will burn top their nub, wheel to its' hub'...get ready to have some "love" dropped in your lap.
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